News / meme
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1 min read
Core Values
Read more . . . →The word is INTEGRITY. The machine underneath it eats paper. Marble lobby, gold lettering, recessed lighting. Very serious building. The kind of building where the font costs more than your rent. And bolted to the wall beneath the word INTEGRITY, flush-mounted like it was always part of the plan, is a document shredder with a full belly. The strips are still hanging. Whatever went in there is never coming back, and neither is the irony. Somebody approved this layout.
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Two Letters
Read more . . . →The slide has two letters and the man has tears. The valuation just tripled. Everyone in the room is clapping. The presentation is one slide with one word on it. The man in front is weeping like he watched a miracle, and technically he did: a pitch deck that weighs nothing and costs everything. The cheque clears before the applause stops.
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1 min read
Soft Landing
Read more . . . →One of them got a parachute. The other got a box. He floats in a pressed suit under a gold canopy. The cardboard box next to him is doing terminal velocity toward whatever’s left down there. It held a desk lamp and fifteen years of tenure. The landing was decided long before either one jumped.
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1 min read
Secondhand Clout
Read more . . . →The resale market hits different when the product was already worthless new. Five bucks gets you the checkmark somebody paid eight for. They’re on velvet like antique watches, and the guy behind the counter isn’t fooling anyone. Every pawn shop tells the same story: someone needed the cash more than the symbol. Verification used to mean something. Now it means you had a credit card and a moment of weakness.
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1 min read
Ribbon Ceremony
Read more . . . →He’s cutting the ribbon over a pothole that will outlive his term. Red ribbon, gold scissors. The crowd smiles because the cameras are here, and the cameras are here because a ceremony is cheaper than asphalt. Fifty years of progress and the pothole is still the only thing in the frame that’s real.
Get the tee →Support the blogMade for people who left the room during Yellow. -
1 min read
Giving Back
Read more . . . →The donation box is load-bearing. Without it, this is just a man eating two lobsters. The tuxedo, the chandelier, the gold watch, the lobster the size of a corgi. And then the cardboard cube, positioned like a garnish. It fits exactly one folded bill, which is the point. Tax-deductible compassion, portioned to fit next to the bread plate.
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1 min read
Equal Footing
Read more . . . →The guy on the left isn’t faster. His lane is. Same track, same distance. One runner is standing on a conveyor belt doing the work for him. The other is ankle-deep in sand and losing ground with every stride. Nobody built the sand lane by accident.
Get the tee →Support the blogLooks like Helvetica. Sounds like a closing argument. -
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Content Warning
Read more . . . →The librarian is losing. She’s been losing since 2016. He’s in a full inflatable dinosaur suit, screaming at a phone on a tripod between the shelves. Her badge says LIBRARIAN but her face says she has thought about this man every night for a week. Public space stopped being public the moment somebody realized it had good lighting.
Get the tee →Support the blogThree words. One opinion. Cotton. -
1 min read
The Debate
Read more . . . →Two people who agree on everything, wrestling for the chyron. The banner says “Both Sides” and the arm wrestle is the most honest thing on screen, because at least it looks like effort. They work for the same network and they’re probably splitting a cab home after this. The anchor on the left gets assigned a position. The anchor on the right gets assigned the other one. The segment needs exactly enough heat to fill four minutes before the pharmaceutical ad. Nobody in the building thinks this is a debate, but the ratings need it to look like one.
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1 min read
Screen Time
Read more . . . →Someone designed a slot machine cute enough that a kid would carry it to bed. It looks like a toy and it was designed to look like a toy. Spinning reels with stars and hearts, and a coin chute that runs from the nursery floor straight to a man in a suit who has never once met the kid. The app costs nothing. The dopamine schedule is the product, and the product ships to a six-year-old. The mascot on the front is load-bearing. Take it off and you’re looking at a casino with a content rating.
Get the tee →Support the blogShips in 3–5 days. The outrage ships immediately.
