• Viva la Vida turns 18 and it still sucks

    18 years ago today, Coldplay released “Viva la Vida.” It still sucks.

    The Wikipedia-history crowd absolutely ate this one up. Chris Martin whispered vaguely about kings and castles over a string section he definitely didn’t write, and the entire planet decided it was profound. It’s not. It’s a pub quiz answer dressed as an anthem — three minutes of someone else’s history lesson, and the world called it the song of the year. The Grammys agreed. The Grammys are also frequently wrong.

    It took Brian Eno to make Coldplay sound this expensive, and they still ended up in court over it — Joe Satriani sued claiming the hook lifted his “If I Could Fly,” and the thing quietly settled. That’s the legacy: a song so original that two different people had to argue over who wrote it first. Then it soundtracked an iPod ad and every graduation montage for half a decade, which is the real ceiling of a Coldplay “masterpiece.” It isn’t music. It’s stock footage with a key change.

    The genuinely maddening part is that 2008 was a stacked year. People had options. They chose the castle song.

    Here’s what you should listen to instead — five tracks from 2008 that actually had something going on:

    • deadmau5 & Kaskade — I Remember
    • Pendulum — Propane Nightmares
    • The Presets — My People
    • Crystal Castles — Crimewave
    • Sébastien Tellier — Sexuality (Guy-Manuel from Daft Punk produced the whole album. No excuses for not knowing this.)

    1 minute on this. That's longer than the bridge of any Coldplay song deserves.

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