Five years ago today, Coldplay released “My Universe” with BTS. It still sucks.
Coldplay looked at their declining chart position, looked at the biggest pop act on the planet, and decided to hitch a ride. The result hit number one on the Hot 100 and not one person could hum the chorus a week later. “You are my universe.” That’s the hook. The entire hook. Eleven men across two continents on a Zoom call decided that was the lyric worth building a single around. A fridge magnet poetry kit does better work with the vowels removed.
BTS carried this so hard they should bill Coldplay for physiotherapy. The Korean verses are the only interesting thirty seconds on the whole track, and Chris Martin didn’t write them, which tells you everything. Martin singing phonetic Korean was the most effort he’d put into a performance since Viva la Vida, and it still wasn’t enough. Five years on and the only lasting legacy of “My Universe” is proving that even the biggest boyband on earth couldn’t make Coldplay interesting.
Here’s what you should listen to instead, five tracks from 2021 that were actually worth the bandwidth:
- Floating Points, Pharoah Sanders & The London Symphony Orchestra - Promises (YouTube): Pharoah Sanders on saxophone over shifting electronic textures for 46 minutes. More genuine feeling than Coldplay’s entire catalogue.
- Bicep - Apricots (YouTube): Two lads from Belfast made the most joyful dance track of the year with vocal samples and a kick drum. No boyband required.
- Jayda G - All I Need (YouTube): House music with soul and disco running through it. The video is cut from ’90s rave footage in British Columbia and it’s perfect.
- Dimension - Altar (YouTube): Drum and bass that moves a room without asking permission. Off the Organ album.
- Overmono - So U Kno (YouTube): Resident Advisor’s track of the year. UK garage with a vocal chop that has more personality than Coldplay’s entire 2021 output.