15 years ago today, Coldplay released Mylo Xyloto. It still sucks.
The title sounds like what happens when you pass out on your keyboard, which is appropriate because that’s exactly what the music does to people. This was the record where Chris Martin decided stadium pop needed a Rihanna feature and a concept album about a dystopian love story. Nobody asked for either, and everyone got both. They turned “Paradise” into a ringtone that colonized every shopping mall on earth for two straight years. The whole thing reads like George Orwell filtered through a Hallmark card and set to the tempo of a pharmaceutical commercial. Every critic at the time praised its “ambition,” a word that here means “expensive and loud.” Fifteen years on, it remains the most expensive-sounding album that says absolutely nothing.
Here’s what you should listen to instead:
- SBTRKT ft. Little Dragon - Wildfire - Everything the Rihanna collab wished it was. Real soul over a bassline that actually moves.
- Chase & Status ft. Liam Bailey - Blind Faith - DnB that went top five in the UK the same year. Proof you could make popular music in 2011 without sedating your audience.
- Flux Pavilion - Bass Cannon - Dubstep that shook walls while Coldplay was adding reverb to Chris Martin’s diary entries.
- Rustie - After Light (Glass Swords) - Glasgow maximalism that earned its volume, unlike a certain band’s confetti budget.
- Jamie xx & Gil Scott-Heron - I’ll Take Care of U - One remix carrying more weight than fourteen Mylo Xyloto tracks put together.